Poetic Fridays: I'm Back

Ok, so time to resume the regularly scheduled program and get back to business.  This Friday I would like to share with you one of my favorite poems. 

Mother to Son by Langston Hughes


Well, son, I'll tell you:

Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

It's had tacks in it,

And splinters,

And boards torn up,

And places with no carpet on the floor

Bare.

But all the time

I'se been a-climbin' on,

And reachin' landin's,

And turnin' corners,

And sometimes goin' in the dark

Where there ain't been no light.

So, boy, don't you turn back.

Don't you set down on the steps.

'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.

Don't you fall now—

For I'se still goin', honey,

I'se still climbin',

And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

Question:
What does the poem say/mean to you? 

The Ultimate Ultimatum

The Ultimate Ultimatum




After having a conversation with a recently married friend, a not so happily married relative, and a recently single acquaintance, I decided to address that pesky ultimatum. Yeah, that one! The “marry me or else” ultimatum!!!!!

Now, I’m a big girl so I can admit that I may have hinted, subtly, and not so subtly stated my desire to be married in previous relationships but I don’t think I’ve ever taken it as far as to give “The Ultimate Ultimatum”. Yet, I know a few people that have and maybe it’s just me but it seems this one never ends well.

Fellas, you know what I’m talking about all too well don’t you? It’s that dreaded conversation that is had after your girl has thrown hint after hint at you about her want/need to get married. She’s attending the weddings of several friends and been the consummate bridesmaid which leaves her daydreaming about her walk down that aisle with you……the brother who isn’t ready for that commitment.

So you do the normal shuck and jive by telling her you love her ….she’s the one…. But you just aren’t ready for marriage yet. That’s followed by the litany of questions and accusations like:



Why?

You don’t wanna spend the rest of your life with me?

Is there somebody else?

What are you afraid of?

How much longer do you expect me to wait?



Oh, there are a host of other questions that could go along with this ultimatum but we’ll just stick to the short list.

Now, considering she has invested so much time and emotion into this relationship, chances are even if she tells you the consequences of not marring her, she will continue to wait in hopes that you will soon come around. Meanwhile, you know you are on borrowed time and you either want to be with this girl or you don’t.

Now, if you could care less about making her your wife then the outcome won’t matter much to you but if you are really feeling this woman and can’t imagine your life without her, you’ve got decisions to make. I suggest quickly because here’s what begins to happen when a woman senses no movement on your part.

Option 1:

She will settle into the lifetime girlfriend role but become bitter that you didn’t wife her.



Option 2:

She will nag you until one of the two of you can no longer take it and the relationship fails.



Option 3:

She will not say anything else to you about marriage. She will silently wait, build up her bank account, and leave you a Dear John letter that explains why she’s taken her stuff which leaves the home you once shared completely empty and moved on with her life.

Now, I won’t sit here and say that giving in and getting married when you aren’t ready just to keep the one you love will end in marital bliss because chances are, if he really isn’t ready, your marriage will likely end in disaster.

But, if you really love this woman and have every intention of spending the rest of your life with her, the waiting until you are emotionally and financially ready game could backfire on you. You may look up one day to find that she has literally or figuratively checked out of the relationship.

Choose wisely!

Question:

Ladies: Why is marriage so important to us when a relationship is fine just the way it is?



Fellas: What are the fears that keep you from making the ultimate commitment when you have already made up your mind that she’s the one?

Poetic Fridays

Seeing Red




Rage festers in my soul as flames dance in my eyes

My pulse quickens as my heart tries to escape my chest

My skin feels like molten lava and I swear my brain is about to erupt.



Fire and desire change to hate and disdain

I am blinded by the thought of what could have been

I need a bucket of ice to cool my temperament



Unable to function, I hide behind a mirrored reality

Clothed in self-consciousness it is hard for me to breathe

Forgetting the value of what used to be

Now just a hollowed shell

See what you do to me



All the blame on you I cannot place

I allowed myself and my wants to become commonplace

Playing the nurturer was second nature to me

Giving of myself unconditionally



Forgetting the rewards of reciprocity

Thinking that giving to you would somehow compensate me.

Yet I’m left empty, cold and alone.

Yearning for a place to call home.



Snap out of it my momma says, “Never let ‘em have your heart if he has yet to learn how to be a man”

By Brighter Future

Attention: No Stepfathers Needed

I frequent several blogs, urban sites, and discussion forums and one discussion that I constantly run into is men talking about how they will not date a woman with children.  Even if he has kids of his own!  What?!? Seriously!

This always gets me a bit heated because the automatic assumption is that a single black woman with kids is looking for a dude with an "S" on his chest that reads Superman/Stepdaddy rolled all into one. 

Now, I wouldn't dare try to persuade anyone to change thier requirements when it comes to what they look for in a mate but I would like to offer a little food for thought.....

Not every single woman is holding a flashlight looking in the darkest corners for a father for her children.  Despite what the media may portray, there are some healthy parental relationships where the parents may no longer be together but are both very active in their children's lives.  Hence, you can skip the replacement dad part of the application.

Even if the father is absent, most black women have accepted the fact that they are raising their children on their own and are only looking for a little affection from the opposite sex.  Not every woman is scoping your bank account and grooming you for father of the year.  Women have needs outside of what is required for their children. 

Ofcourse, I recognize that there are some women out here who are on a mad dash to find the "ultimate saviour" who will pay her bills, rub her feet, and fill the void of a father to her children but understand that isn't always the case.  Our options are limited as is so if you start counting every sister out because she has children, it may be you who comes up with a bumb deal.

Poetic Fridays

Untitled

He was oh so charming.


So much class.

Surprised when he looked my way.

Stunned when he asked.



Delighted when he called.

Went out for dinner and a movie.

Seemed simple enough.



Had so much fun, I asked him back to my place for a night cap.

Mistake number one.

Charm so amazing.



Wrapped up in his words.

Blind to his actions.



Metaphors that I thought were taking me to heavens door.

Whispers of forever.

A way with words like no other.

Damn, I’m getting caught up.



Looked into his eyes and saw my future.

Breathed with ease when he spoke those words to me.



Violated when he turned on me.

Ripped off the shield that guarded my heart.

Threw me to the floor with his brut strength.



Climbed on top of me.

My vision is cloudy.

Did he put something in my drink?



Lost in translation.

Not a moment to think..

Tears feel from my eyes and stained the floor.



Is he really doing this to me?

In a flash he was gone. Words spoken no more.



Reached for my phone to dial 911…….

Hello, What’s your emergency?

Damn…..Damn….

I was raped……

by poetry.


By: Brighter Future  (Had you scared for a moment didn't I? lol)

Good New's Monday: Father's Forever

Happy Monday!!
As I announced previously, on Monday's my blog will be dedicated to a Good New's Story.  The purpose of Good New's Mondays is to highlight a non profit organization or individual that is making a positive contribution to the community. 
We tend to always see ourselves painted in a negative light on mainstream media, well this is my attempt to highlight the positive!
The first featured organization is Father's Forever! See below to learn more about this organization.  I hope that this blog will inspire you to get involved!

What is Fathers Forever?


Fathers Forever is a non-profit organization that serves as a map to help fathers chart a new course of fatherhood. Our aim is to make a lasting impression and difference in the lives of fathers through classes and support groups.

Our Vision

Bridging the Gap between Fathers and Children...thus Saving Our Children, One Father At A Time.

Our Mission

Fathers Forever's purpose is to decrease the number of children being raised without the support of their fathers and decrease the number of non-child support cases in our court system.

When was the organization started and by whom?

Glen Warren, founder of Fathers Forever, has been involved in the empowerment of men for over 25 years as a facilitator of various conferences formed to encourage and empower men to discover the combination to unlocking their future. For the past 16 years, Glen has worked as a mental health crisis counselor for persons with depression, suicidal thoughts and substance abuse issues.

Glen has a Bachelor of Science degree in Health and Physical Education. Currently, he is pursuing a Master's degree in Adult Education. Glen is also pursuing certification as a substance abuse counselor. As a single parent, Glen raised two boys and a girl. He founded Fathers Forever because he knows first-hand the importance of the role of a father in the lives of their children.Glen’s desire and pledge for Fathers Forever is to give experience, commitment and resources to provide a positive alternative that will motivate, educate and equip fathers to become co-parents in their children's lives, resulting in a more productive, healthier society.

As president of Fathers Forever, he is committed to enabling men to be co-parents to their children. By making a donation to Fathers Forever, you will help us provide another solution to an ever increasing problem. Help us bridge the gap between fathers and their children… saving our children, one father at a time.

Some of the many accomplishments of Glen Warren and Father Forever are:

• February 2, 2010 featured in the News and Observer article written by Barry Saunders- “Giving Daddies that Push”

• February 15, 2010 received our 1st Fathers Forever Participant

• March 7, 2010 featured on a local television show titled First Choice Life on the CW22 network hosted by Tim Weir

• March 15, 2010 featured on St. Augustine talk radio WAUG 750 interview conducted by Joel Wiggins

• May 23, 2010 featured on Fox 50 television show Tarheel Talk hosted by Sonya Williams. Since February, we now have 150 participants….. and counting.

• June 17, 2010 featured in the News and Observer article written by Barry Saunders- “Donors Learn To Be Dads”

• June 19, 2010 successfully had Our Grand Opening/Fundraiser event that took place at ballroom donated by the Sheraton Hotel located in Raleigh North Carolina. We had over 125 people in attendance and raised $1,200!

• June 22, 2010 featured in the Triangle Tribune article written by Bonita Best “Bridging the Gap Between Fathers and their Children” http://www.triangletribune.com/index.php?src=permalinks/Bridging_the_gap_between_fathers_and_childre

Fathers Forever is a great name, what is the meaning behind it?

The name Fathers Forever actually came from the bible. We know God as our Everlasting Father, since we are made in His image. We too are fathers forever in the hearts and minds of our children. They will always remember us. The choice is up to each father as to how they are remembered.

What is the ultimate goal of this organization?

Our goal is to help fathers chart a new course of fatherhood. Fathers Forever will also help them to understand the importance of having an on-going active role in the lives of their children, in addition to fulfilling their financial responsibilities. Upon completion of the Fathers Forever program, it is our belief that the fathers will have a new found appreciation of their role as a father. We will develop cohesiveness in families, helping to create stronger communities and healthier societies.

Who are prime candidates for the Fathers Forever program?

Fathers Forever's first priority is fathers who are delinquent in their child support payments. The Judicial System can refer participants to us as a jail diversion and Child Support agencies can refer clients to us as a preventative measure. We will also take referrals from other community support agencies.


Tell us about the services you offer:

R.E.S.E.T. -- Fathers Forever serves as a map to help fathers chart a new course of fatherhood.
R estoring the hearts of fathers back to their children

E quipping fathers through classes and support groups

S ynergizing -- promoting community support

E mbracing the joys and responsibility of fatherhood

T ime -- fathers encouraged to spend quality time with their children.


The Fathers Forever program consists of two components. Each component will be facilitated by a F.O.C.U.S. (For On-going Counseling United Support) coach:

• 30-Hour Course Curriculum: The Joys and Responsibilities of Fatherhood, consisting of classes such as Job Readiness Training, Parenting, Anger Management (Domestic Violence), Substance Abuse and Destiny Development.

• Support Group: Fathers who participate in the course curriculum will receive individual coaching throughout the length of our program. The coach will provide assistance in job placement, GED if needed and other personal goals. Fathers who do not take the course curriculum may also participate in the support group.

What is the biggest success story of Father’s Forever thusfar?

Several of our fathers have found jobs, decreased or started paying on their child support debt and improved on the quality of time spent with their children.

One example of a success story is:

One of our Fathers Forever participants was standing outside the courtroom waiting for me to come to court. (As a practice, we go to court with our participants for support and also to give an account of their progress of being in our program to the judge since they were court ordered.) Normally the participants would wait inside the courtroom; however, he was waiting on me to tie his necktie before he had to appear before the judge. The judge for the day, Honorable Judge Kristin Ruth observed him before court started and as she was walking into court he said, “Hey Judge Ruth, I will be in court as soon as Mr. Warren comes…. I need him to tie my necktie.” This incident touched Judge Kristin Ruth so much that she made mention of it at our Open House event where she was our keynote speaker. Currently, the participant has three part time jobs and has only missed two classes since he was court ordered. He’s working hard to be reunited with his 4 year old daughter. He still has a ways to go, but we are so proud of him!!

When you look back 10 years from now, what do you hope to have accomplished with this organization?

• We have helped in the efforts of restoring the hearts of the fathers back to their children and saving our children one father at a time.

• Have Fathers Forever presence in every county in North Carolina.

• Own several car wash establishments so that we can employ our participants that are seeking work or unemployed.

We believe in fathers and we are committed to the process of tearing down the barriers that are preventing them from being the father they want to be.

What else do you want us to know about Father’s Forever?

We are in need of funding, grant writers, office space, office equipment and community involvement; such as company giving gifts, discounts and coupon that we can pass on to our fathers and their children.

Are there any upcoming events or fundraisers we should be aware of?

Upcoming Events-

• Thursday September 16, 2010 @ 6 AM Fathers Forever will be featured on the ION Network, “For the Record” hosted by Eric Brown.

• October 31, 2010 UNCTV
To contact us

Individuals can ALWAYS:

• Visit our website www.afatherforever.com to find out more information and to join our email mailing list.

• Become fans of Fathers Forever on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/Raleigh-NC/Fathers-Forever/235821653121
• Join us on Twitter http://twitter.com/FathersForever

• Join our Blogs on Blogger http://afathersforever.blogspot.com/

• Check us out and SHARE our Youtube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_F7OrN1lK4

How can people donate or volunteer?

To Donate

When you donate to our work, together we are saving our children, one father at a time. When dad is not involved, his children are two to three times more likely to engage in drugs, alcohol, school drop out, violent crimes, teenage pregnancy, and struggle with depression, suicidal thoughts and even suicide.
Fathers Forever is a non-profit organization whose mission is to help fathers chart a new course of fatherhood.
It has been said that "When we know better, we do better." Help us help fathers chart a new course of fatherhood -- thus, Saving Our Children, One Father At A Time. Every child deserves a chance at reaching their fullest potential in life. Children are our future, our most precious commodity and they are worth the investment. GET INVOLVED! http://www.afatherforever.com/donateonline.html


To Volunteer

Fathers Forever volunteers are second to none we are truly grateful and appreciative to our super volunteers. GET INVOLVED!! http://www.afatherforever.com/volunteers.html

We are in need of:

• Event volunteer willing and able to fulfill the needs of Fathers Forever.

• Men to be FOCUS Coaches to mentor/work with our fathers on a individual basis to help them stay focused, encourage and assist them in breaking down the barriers that keep them being good fathers.


**********************************************************************************
First and foremost, thank you to Father's Forever for participating in my first Good New's blog. 
I hope that in reading this blog, you are inspired to give either monetarily or a bit of your time to helping strengthen our communities "One Father At a Time".

Having grown up without a father in the home I understand all to well the importance of an organization such as this. 

To learn more about this organization please visit: http://www.afatherforever.com/

If you know of an organization or an individual who deserves to be recognized please email me at mahoganyexp@yahoo.com.

Poetic Fridays

Love Used to Live Here

Love used to live here

But now it’s gone.

Oh, Don’t fret for me,

I’m fine without it.

Or so I thought.



Love chewed me up and spit me out.

Had me calling it by another name.

Had me searching for it in the highest plain.



Had me thinking I had found it.

Weak when I lost it.

Terrified when it reappeared

And flabbergasted when I heard it’s call.



Love used to live here.

Deep in my heart.

Between my thighs and in the crease of my back I could feel it’s touch.

I could see it in the eyes of others

I could hear it whispered in the wind.



Love used to live here

but now its gone.

It rode away on it’s red chariot and gave no apologies for it’s abrupt departure.

Yet, I still yearn for it.

I still look for it in the daytime with a flashlight.

I still hope that I can capture it’s essence in the purest form.



I’m still searching for it.

Rip my heart out again, it might, but if I can just get a quick taste of that

all encompassing

unconditional

undeniable,

unrelenting,

ever-evolving,

knee weaking

thing they call love again,

I will welcome it with open arms.

 
By: Brighter Future
 
Now it's your turn!  Share some of your poetic genius!

Today is International Literacy Day

“September 8 was proclaimed International Literacy Day by UNESCO on November 17, 1965. It was first celebrated in 1966. Its aim is to highlight the importance of literacy to individuals, communities and societies. On International Literacy Day each year, UNESCO reminds the international community of the status of literacy and adult learning globally. Celebrations take place around the world [1].


Some 776 million adults lack minimum literacy skills; one in five adults is still not literate and two-thirds of them are women; 75 million children are out-of-school and many more attend irregularly or drop out.” (Reference source is wikipedia)

In celebration of International Literacy Day, I encourage everybody to pick up a book, magazine, newspaper, journal, or visit your favorite site and get to reading. 

I don’t think I understood the importance of reading to children until my child began to struggle with it early on in school. I thought I had given him all the tools he needed to be successful but how could I have done so when I failed to read to him every day?!?!? He no longer struggles with reading but there are millions of children and adults who do all across the world.

I wouldn’t be doing my duty as an aspiring author if I didn’t promote and encourage every single person to read. It truly is fundamental! Can you imagine having to sign your name to a document but you have no clue what is says? Can you imagine being the child in school who is scared to read aloud because of fear that other children will laugh at you?

It’s never too late to learn how to read. I encourage you to volunteer for organizations in your community that promote literacy. If you don’t have time to volunteer donate a couple of dollars towards the enrichment of people within your community. Not knowing how to read is like not knowing the joy of freedom. You are literally chained and bound by what other people are willing to tell you. It was not so long ago that we were fighting for equal education. Now we are afforded the same opportunities as everyone else. Let’s not take it for granted. When you can read, you open up a whole world of opportunity and understanding.

“A mind is a terrible thing to waste”



Happy Reading!

Poetic Fridays

Outline of A Man

If I were an artist I would sketch the perfect man.


He would have eyes that could see through me to that bit of insecurity my heart still carries.

He would have the fortitude to seek it out and erase any traces of it’s presence

He would have arms strong enough to bear my weight when I am too weak to tarry.

Yet gentle enough to hold me in an embrace that could cast away my worry.

His legs would lead me to places I was too scared to travel alone.

Yet, they would have the dexterity to always bring him home.

His brain would possess the knowledge of a 1000 wise men.

Lessons taught so long ago.

And enough wisdom to know when to leave well enough alone.



Inside his heart would be the will of a leader

Who has enough discretion to know when he must follow.

The courage of a gladiator, who will not accept defeat in time of battle.

Compassion of a mother for a child without a home.

The humility of a begger in search of something to call his own.

The ability to make a commitment without knowing what the future holds.

A monogamous being with tunnel vision to my soul.



Love to him would be a buried treasure and he the pirate of the voyage.

Setting his course towards a destiny in spite of the inevitable storm.

The Jack Sparrow of my heart, key guarded with his life.

Eros must have been a conduit for you; giving you an implacable thirst for my nectar.



Doesn’t matter the hue, I would color you iridescently in me amour.

Filling in open spaces with humor, spirituality, and self-assurance

Until you are……

my hearts vision of love.





Brighter Future

Who is Responsible for Our Future?

Every day I shake my head at the songs played on the radio, the way our children dress, the way they speak, and the way they behave in public. It saddens me to see how little pride and dignity some of our children possess.


Most of us, myself included, see the problem, shake our heads, and keep right on walking as if scared to say something for fear they will retaliate or simply dismiss what we have to say.

Well, I’ve reached my breaking point!

It is our responsibility to show our children the way. Not just the ones who share your dna but the little boy up the street who is using more curse words in one sentence than you have used in your entire life, or the little girl at the mall who’s skirt is so short that nothing is left to the imagination, or the group of kids gathering around in a circle for a fight.

I can never remember where this quote came from but it says, “We have to be the change we want to see”. We see something different everyday that disturbs us whether it be the stories in the news, the television shows our children watch, the videos on Bet, the role models our children choose to follow, the slang we speak; etc. (Check out my brothers at www.staychiseled.com and get the males perspective on some of these issues.)

We can no longer bit our tongues and shake our heads at our children. It really does take a village to raise a child, so it’s time for us to start being the village rather than the spectators who simply watch it implode.

Our children need to realize that the way they carry themselves in public does not just represent who they are but it reflects on our race as a whole. Although the burden may not be fair, it’s real. Society will continue to judge us according to what they see and hear. It is up to us to make sure that what they hear is intelligence and what they see is our pride.

We constantly complain about how all they show of us on the news is the negative…….well we have to write our own stories and create our own images. We have to erase the negative and replace it with a positive so that the media will have no option but to report us as we truly are…..Proud, Responsible, Upstanding, Educated, Respectable, African American brothers and sisters.

I’m making a commitment to take time out from now on to speak life into our children. I am making the commitment to stop the next little girl I see using her body rather than her brain. I am making the commitment to stop the next little boy that’s lost his way. What will you commit to? Who do you think is responsible for our future?

Wake up Everybody!!!!

I Have a Dream

Today marks the 47th Anniversary of the speech that will be played for years and years to come.  The speech that still has as much value today is it did 47 years ago.  I recently visited the Dr.Martin Luther King Jr Memorial while in Atlanta and emotions still run high when hearing and seeing the images and sounds of Dr.King's legacy.  May you forever rest in peace!  Thank you for the inspiration and the guiding light!
It is because of Dr.King and the men and women like him who came before us that we are able to make our dreams a reality.  Follow up post later today!

We're still Missing you Aaliyah!!

Yes, I can admit it.  I was one of those girls who stood in the mirror with my blinders on thinking I could be the next Aaliyah.  I did the dance moves and wore the bang over my right eye.    I even tried the boxer thing!  My mom didn't like that too much.  I tried but I could never compare.  You will forever be missed! May you continue to rest in peace!

I want that old school commitment with that new school love!

So on this past Saturday afternoon, I found myself watching my old favorite, Their Eyes were Watching God. You know the movie with Hallie Berry and that sexy ass Michael Ealy. (Whew, ok get back on topic Brighter) :-) Something stood out about that movie today that I hadn't noticed before. You see Hallie's character, Janie, married a man three times her age. That was actually the norm back in those days. An older man wanted a younger girl to help around the house and bear his children. Well, as she was helping him out in the field she reflected on her life and stated, "I was a proper wife, I'm still waiting for the love to begin!". Whoa!

After hearing that line I started to think about the dynamic of marriages from back then and the marriages of today. Huge difference! Now granted, Janie ended up leaving mista for the cool dude with the nice clothes and the white hankie but marriages back them lasted the test of time. Not saying I would want a loveless marriage, just saying that marriages took on a completely different nature and meaning.
Today we get married all doe eyed and in love but it doesn't last. Why is that?
I mean isn't the whole point of marriage to make a lifetime commitment to your partner. How is it that today love can exist in the union and it be over in the blink of an eye but back in the day love played no part (not initially anyway) and it last until somebody was called home to glory?

Check out some statistics:

Black marriage rate: 35% in 2002 (vs. 63% in 1950)
Children born IN wedlock: 25% (vs. 80% in 1960)

Crazy right?

My grandparents have been married for over 50 years and while I know for sure they have suffered great disappointments, tragedy, and hardship, they remain a unit. I don't think either could imagine a life without the other.

So like the title of the blog, what I want is the kinda marriage that will last inspite of us falling in and out of love, through the I love you but I don't like you phase, regardless of the money we make and the kinda house we live in, despite the cute girl next door giving him the eye, and through the differing opinions having to learn the skill of compromise.

Simply put, I want that old school commitment with that new school love!


http://www.bookerrising.net/2007/09/statistics-about-black-americans.html

The New Susan Smith: Shaquan Duley (Death of the Innocent)

If you have heard about this nut’s Susan Smith attempt or of the thousands like it that plague our society then you are probably just as irritated as I am.

Shaquan Duley, the mother of three has been charged with murdering her two young boys. Apparently Shaquan suffocated the two boys, put their lifeless bodies into her car, drove to a nearby body of water, steered the car into water and jumped out claiming that she'd had an accident.

Heated yet?

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a 7 year old son and I would give my life to ensure that he had the opportunity to take just one more breathe.

When will men and women stop taking their anger, frustration, and overall stupidity out on the most innocent of beings; their own children?

I swear that if I could have one moment with some of these people I would come out with multiple charges and a smile on my face.

I could do an internet search and pull up hundreds of recent articles about both men and women who have murdered their own offspring. There is nothing that angers me more than to see that someone took the life of their own child because they “couldn’t handle the pressure”.

Just so you know: Raising a child is not easy! There are no manuals, guides, cliff notes, power point presentations, or books for dummy’s to guide you through parenthood. It’s a bit of trial and error. You will make mistakes. At some points you may even think that you have failed as a parent. It’s normal!

What isn’t normal is contemplating how to get rid of your child because you haven’t finished living, clubbing, and enjoying your own life. What is not normal is suffocating, beating, and abusing your child because you can’t take the constant whining and day to day irritations.

Here’s a thought: You have options!

Option one: If you can’t handle mother or fatherhood, don’t have children. Simple, I know! There are several different methods available to avoid getting pregnant that both males and females can use. Don’t leave it up to someone else to determine if you spend the next 9 months of your life regretting one night of poor decisions.

Option two: I know a lot of you will disagree but it is an option. Abortion! Yeah, I know, it’s not a pretty word but it beats having a child, allowing it to breathe outside of the womb only to snatch it’s life away months or years later. Not condoning or advocating abortion, just saying it IS an option.

Option three: Give the child up for adoption. If you can’t afford to take care of yourself it’s likely you can’t afford to take care of a child. Give the child an opportunity for a life better than what you can offer. Most states offer open and closed adoptions.

And lastly, for those who avoided options 1-3 and are contemplating taking the life of an innocent child, I would say whatever you plan on doing to them, do to yourself instead but that wouldn’t be politically correct………so instead, I’ll say get help! Drop your child off to a relative, get some perspective, come back with a clear head and heart, then figure out how both you and your child can continue to live a long and healthy life.

Oh yeah, adoption's still an option no matter what age the child…..Just saying!

Beat the guilt and the charge by finding a healthy alternative to dealing with your anger. Our youth, have enough obstacles to deal with. Fearing the wrath of a parent shouldn’t be one of them!

Resources:

The Rewards of Service

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because some day in life you will have been all these."
~ George Washington Carver


The Rewards of Service

I don’t think I ever knew what giving time, a smile, and a kind word could do until this past Saturday!

Myself and members from my writing group, The Mahogany Experience, volunteered with Brown Bag Ministries to feed the homeless in the downtown Raleigh area.
We meet at St.Andrews Catholic Church at 9 am. I must admit that I was surprised to see the number of people who showed up to volunteer for this cause. The organizers gave a brief overview of how the organization started and off to work we went. We unloaded the supplies off of the truck while others setup the tables. Once that was done people split off into different directions. Some were making sandwiches while others were starting to fill the brown paper bags with snacks.

There were children of all ages and each stayed busy with an appointed task. It was not just an opportunity to help out our community but one to meet other liked minded and kind hearted people. While in groups doing assorted task we conversed about this or that. Found a rhythm and by the time we looked back up, all 650 lunches were packed and ready for delivery.

We traveled to our destination and the first thing I noticed were the number of people sitting around the park listening intensely to a preacher deliver the word. A few gave their own testimony and it was amazing to hear the joy, faith, and fortitude that resided in their hearts.

Throughout our time in the park we passed out bags, talked to them, and even shared a few laughs. I remember a little girl in particular who was getting several lunches for herself and her family. She walked up, handed us her tickets and awaited her bags but lacked even the faintest hint of a smile. I don’t know her circumstance or her story but I knew or at least I hoped there was a smile inside of her just waiting to come out. I asked for a smile and she gave me the most beautiful frown turned upside down. I will forever remember that one moment.
You see what I expected was to give a gift, I didn’t expect to get one in return. I was saying to myself, I am blessed and it’s time to give back to my community in any small way I can. I didn’t know that they would be giving me something. They gave me the gift of knowing the despite our circumstance or lack of possessions, you can still find joy in the mist of it all!

I am making a commitment to volunteer once a month from here on out. There are several organizations in our area in need of volunteers. Check them out and give a little time, a smile, and a kind word!

To learn more about brown bag ministries vist: www.brownbagministry.org

Journey

Journey

Lost in a whirlwind of emotion
Blinded by random thoughts
Looking, searching , needing an outlet
Eyes weary from days of insomnia
No rest for the somnolent
Nearing a psychotic break
Insatiable need to express what lies within
Screaming with no voice
Unable to find order
Misplaced aggression
Longing for purpose
Scattered pages laying about
Blue, black, red, green, pink tools for my addiction
Loose leaf, spiraled, woven avenues to cure my affliction
Out of my haze a voice whispered…….
cry poet and black ink feel from my eyes.
breathe poet and words floated from my lungs.
live poet and I gave birth to a…….
Maya Angelou, “Still I rise”, kinda
Nikki Giovanni, “Balances “, type of
Langston Hughes, “Mother to Son”, sort of
Masterfully rhythmic, thought provoking, metaphorically driven
Escape from all that had me bound…….
New life emerged
My voice now found
And so it was written!

Daddy's Home

Daddy’s Home No, this has nothing to do with the Usher song. Sorry to disappoint!

You see, as a child, those words never came out of my mouth. I was raised in a single parent home. The truth is, I shouldn’t even be here. My father was married and my mother was only trying to make the man who had her heart jealous on the night that I was conceived. Like I said.....I shouldn't even be here. But I sure as hell am glad that I am.

Don't get me wrong, I am glad that my father wasn't a part of my life. To know him now is to know that I didn't miss out on much. You see the relationship we didn't build while I was young has turned into a relationship I am still not comfortable trying to build. He tries from time to time but it always reverts back to the same pattern of lies and deceit. Had we of been able to be father and daughter when I was young, maybe the outcome of this nonexistent relationship would have been different.

The first time I ever meet this man was when I was about 8 years old. No, he didn't show up unexpectedly at my door. I overheard a conversation between my mother and a cousin of ours that he had been involved in an accident. This made me want to see him. Despite my mother's reservations, she took me.

There are two things I remember about that first encounter, I meet my siblings and my mom left in tears! After that my father would come to our home usually a few months before Christmas every few years and promise me this or that. Two to three months after Christmas, I would still be holding out hope that he would come knocking at our door. He never showed!

I won't say that he's a bad father because he did right by my siblings whom are a product of his wife. He just wasn't a father to me. I understand it! I was the mistake that occurred after a one night stand some 30 years ago.

This isn't my attempt at male bashing, this is my cleansing!

Word of advice: If you have a father in you life, cherish him! If you don't, don't use his absence as an excuse for why you didn't accomplish the things you should have. If you are a mother trying to protect your child from the man who disappointed you, allow your child to see who he is on their own. That one I know is hard but you can't protect them from everything. It may turn out that he is a much better father than he was a lover.

There are too many single parent homes and too many children crying at night because daddy's NOT home. I applaud the women that raise sons and daughters alone. I applaud the men that do the same.

All I'm saying is no child should have to grow up watching families play in the park and long for those same interactions. No child should have to feel less than because their family doesn't look like the one up the street. No child should have to feel abandoned by the people who were supposed to love them!

Do what you want with you body and your reproductive organs but consider the consequences when your encounter produces life unexpectedly.

Ladies: If you aren't ready for motherhood, chances are, it isn't ready for you! Protect yourself!

Fellas: If you are creeping, the best way to keep it a secret is to use every precaution so your night of passion doesn't turn into a lifetime of responsibility.

Oh, by the way, no contraceptive is 100%!

Just saying..............................

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If you are in the NC area and are an aspiring author, poet, spoken word artist; etc join my writing group: www.meetup.com/the-mahogany-experience-writing-group

Independent Women

I scream independence from the top of my lungs. I am woman hear me roar as I beat on my chest. I love being in control of my own life and accomplishing all my goals on my own terms.
Question:
Are we women sometime independent to a default?
Have we become so independent that we no longer know how to let a man take the lead?
Just curious!
I've noticed that as we obtain degree's, purchase homes, and climb the corporate ladder, alot of us are doing it as single women. Nothing wrong with doing it on your own but is that by choice or because we have alienated past boyfriends, ex husbands, and potentials with our "I don't need you attitude".
I was raised in a single parent home by a very independent, strong willed, and sometimes strict mother! I was taught to be very independent and stand on my own two feet. I understood at a young age while watching my mother work two and three jobs that if I wanted something done, I needed to do it myself.
I think that when she was teaching me how not to depend on others she forgot to teach me that when someone comes along who is worthy of relinquishing a piece of your heart and power too, you gotta be willing to give a little. I think that holds true for a lot of women. We didn't get the memo that if a man is gonna pay the bills, it's still ok to have a home cooked meal waiting when he gets home. Someone forgot to say that if you have to setup as the breadwinner for a period of time in this recession, when he gets back on his feet, you gotta let him take back over.
A man has to feel like a man! You can't remind him every few days that you make more money than him. You can't tell him about all the things he does wrong without telling him about all the things he does right.
All I'm saying is, we women (myself included) have to stand tall to get to where we want to be but we still have to be willing to stand beside the good men that are trying to be..........good men!!!!

Turning 30

My 30th birthday is right around the corner and I am so excited! I hear horror stories all the time about how some people spend their 30th birthday in tears because they haven't accomplished what they wanted to accomplish in the first 30 years of their life. Makes me wonder why so much stock and pressure is put into this one number.
I can't say that I am where I want or hoped to be by now, but I am very proud of what I have accomplished!

No, I do not hold a degree of any type, but I am working towards it.

No, I am not pushing the 2010 Jag I marvel at everyday, but I'll get something better in a couple more years.

NO, I do not have my dream home but I can see it on the horizon.

No, I am not the district attorney I aspired to be as a child, I decided to do something different.

I could go on an on about all the things I don't have or haven't accomplished but I'd rather focus on the things I have right here and now.

I have my health.
I have a handsome 7 year old little boy whom I adore.
I have a lovely apartment filled with love.
I have a dependable car with four tires and an a/c that works. (Thank God for that one. Don't know what I would do without that a/C) :-)
I have a job that pays the bills and helps me to afford a comfortable lifestyle.
I have a youthful spirit and a beauty that shines in spite of the dullness that surrounds me.
I have rediscovered my passion in writing.

You see, we spend so much time focusing on what we lack that we fail to focus on all we have. Yeah, I know you've heard that line before, but it's true.

I choose to live life with my eyes wide open, arms stretched wide, and heart fully open to embrace all that each passing year has to offer.

Peace and Blessings
Brighter Future

Are you a follower or a leader?

Follower or Leader

I think there comes a time in any parent's life that they have to sit down and
have that conversation with their child about being a leader and not a follower.
My son runs into the room with a single glove on trying to be like Michael
Jackson. I must admit, he has some of those dance moves down to a science.
He holds his basketball in his hands and swears he's Lebron. He goes hard in
the paint and dunks over whatever smaller objects he finds in his room to tower
over on his little tikes basketball goal.
Is that him being a follower?
At school, on occasion, he may get in trouble for trying and doing things that
he knows are wrong just to be part of the "in crowd". I understand it! It's a
part of growing up. That's the growing pains of a child. We all went through
it.
But I've come to realize in life that sometimes you have to be a follower:
You have to follow the rules
You have to follow directions.
You have to follow someone's lead from time to time.
So I don't mind that my son wants to be like MJ, Lebron or his Dad.
I just pray that he realizes as he gets older that he has to be the Best form of
himself that he can be! Eventually he has to find a space in that little chest,
in that great big heart of his to know that he has to push out greatness that
the world has never seen by just being who he is!
Who's lead will you follow? When the time comes, what kinda leader will you be?

Foreplay

For my sexual stimulation could you please......
Take out the trash
Wash the car
Watch the kids
Clean the gutters
Pay a bill without being asked
Buy flowers just because
Scratch that, make it diamonds.

Make love to me mentally by......
Asking me how my day was
Having a conversation that doesn't involve money
Cooking dinner when you know I'm tired
Throwing the clothes in the dryer if I've put them in the wash
And turning off the game for a little quality time.

And when it comes to foreplay.....
Start with a candelight dinner
Fresh roses
A warm bubble bath
And a massage to follow

In return......
I promise to strip for you
Mke your toes curl
Call your name
Put you to sleep
And wake YOU up in the morning for round two!!

Define Love

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to define love. I believe one's definition of love changes with each successful/failed relationship, birth of a child, and lose of a loved one. I think how we view love changes as we grow older and realize the things that are most important in life.

Right now at the age of 29, love to me is defined as the emotional connection between two people.

The longing to be in that special someones presence.
Love is unconditional.
Love is all encompassing.
Love is compromising without regret.
Love is not selfish or self centered.
Love is giving.
Love is freeing.
Love is tried and true.
Love changes.
Love heals.

What's your definition of love????

Stormy Days

This weekend has been filled with stormy weather. I have seen more rain in the past few days than I have seen in the last three months. My son has run into my room more times than he normally would. I have had to stop working on my laptop at the most inopportune times.

I remember growing up as a child and wishing that the sun always shined so I could go outside and play hop-scotch. I remember wondering as a child when lightning struck, where it landed. I remember the fear and the intimidation of the thunderous clouds and the sharp lightning.


Now as a grown up, I relax in God's work. I reflex in his promise. I find comfort in a day filled with storms because I know that after the storm and the rain, the sun will shine again. I know that the puddles will clear, the rainbow will shine through. I think it's the same in life.... don't you?

Whatever your storm, trial, tribulation, obstacle......look at your storm and tell it, the sun shall shine again! And when it does, bask in it's glory. Soak it up and smile because you made it through the storm.

Brighter Future