Who is Responsible for Our Future?

Every day I shake my head at the songs played on the radio, the way our children dress, the way they speak, and the way they behave in public. It saddens me to see how little pride and dignity some of our children possess.


Most of us, myself included, see the problem, shake our heads, and keep right on walking as if scared to say something for fear they will retaliate or simply dismiss what we have to say.

Well, I’ve reached my breaking point!

It is our responsibility to show our children the way. Not just the ones who share your dna but the little boy up the street who is using more curse words in one sentence than you have used in your entire life, or the little girl at the mall who’s skirt is so short that nothing is left to the imagination, or the group of kids gathering around in a circle for a fight.

I can never remember where this quote came from but it says, “We have to be the change we want to see”. We see something different everyday that disturbs us whether it be the stories in the news, the television shows our children watch, the videos on Bet, the role models our children choose to follow, the slang we speak; etc. (Check out my brothers at www.staychiseled.com and get the males perspective on some of these issues.)

We can no longer bit our tongues and shake our heads at our children. It really does take a village to raise a child, so it’s time for us to start being the village rather than the spectators who simply watch it implode.

Our children need to realize that the way they carry themselves in public does not just represent who they are but it reflects on our race as a whole. Although the burden may not be fair, it’s real. Society will continue to judge us according to what they see and hear. It is up to us to make sure that what they hear is intelligence and what they see is our pride.

We constantly complain about how all they show of us on the news is the negative…….well we have to write our own stories and create our own images. We have to erase the negative and replace it with a positive so that the media will have no option but to report us as we truly are…..Proud, Responsible, Upstanding, Educated, Respectable, African American brothers and sisters.

I’m making a commitment to take time out from now on to speak life into our children. I am making the commitment to stop the next little girl I see using her body rather than her brain. I am making the commitment to stop the next little boy that’s lost his way. What will you commit to? Who do you think is responsible for our future?

Wake up Everybody!!!!

I Have a Dream

Today marks the 47th Anniversary of the speech that will be played for years and years to come.  The speech that still has as much value today is it did 47 years ago.  I recently visited the Dr.Martin Luther King Jr Memorial while in Atlanta and emotions still run high when hearing and seeing the images and sounds of Dr.King's legacy.  May you forever rest in peace!  Thank you for the inspiration and the guiding light!
It is because of Dr.King and the men and women like him who came before us that we are able to make our dreams a reality.  Follow up post later today!

We're still Missing you Aaliyah!!

Yes, I can admit it.  I was one of those girls who stood in the mirror with my blinders on thinking I could be the next Aaliyah.  I did the dance moves and wore the bang over my right eye.    I even tried the boxer thing!  My mom didn't like that too much.  I tried but I could never compare.  You will forever be missed! May you continue to rest in peace!

I want that old school commitment with that new school love!

So on this past Saturday afternoon, I found myself watching my old favorite, Their Eyes were Watching God. You know the movie with Hallie Berry and that sexy ass Michael Ealy. (Whew, ok get back on topic Brighter) :-) Something stood out about that movie today that I hadn't noticed before. You see Hallie's character, Janie, married a man three times her age. That was actually the norm back in those days. An older man wanted a younger girl to help around the house and bear his children. Well, as she was helping him out in the field she reflected on her life and stated, "I was a proper wife, I'm still waiting for the love to begin!". Whoa!

After hearing that line I started to think about the dynamic of marriages from back then and the marriages of today. Huge difference! Now granted, Janie ended up leaving mista for the cool dude with the nice clothes and the white hankie but marriages back them lasted the test of time. Not saying I would want a loveless marriage, just saying that marriages took on a completely different nature and meaning.
Today we get married all doe eyed and in love but it doesn't last. Why is that?
I mean isn't the whole point of marriage to make a lifetime commitment to your partner. How is it that today love can exist in the union and it be over in the blink of an eye but back in the day love played no part (not initially anyway) and it last until somebody was called home to glory?

Check out some statistics:

Black marriage rate: 35% in 2002 (vs. 63% in 1950)
Children born IN wedlock: 25% (vs. 80% in 1960)

Crazy right?

My grandparents have been married for over 50 years and while I know for sure they have suffered great disappointments, tragedy, and hardship, they remain a unit. I don't think either could imagine a life without the other.

So like the title of the blog, what I want is the kinda marriage that will last inspite of us falling in and out of love, through the I love you but I don't like you phase, regardless of the money we make and the kinda house we live in, despite the cute girl next door giving him the eye, and through the differing opinions having to learn the skill of compromise.

Simply put, I want that old school commitment with that new school love!


http://www.bookerrising.net/2007/09/statistics-about-black-americans.html

The New Susan Smith: Shaquan Duley (Death of the Innocent)

If you have heard about this nut’s Susan Smith attempt or of the thousands like it that plague our society then you are probably just as irritated as I am.

Shaquan Duley, the mother of three has been charged with murdering her two young boys. Apparently Shaquan suffocated the two boys, put their lifeless bodies into her car, drove to a nearby body of water, steered the car into water and jumped out claiming that she'd had an accident.

Heated yet?

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a 7 year old son and I would give my life to ensure that he had the opportunity to take just one more breathe.

When will men and women stop taking their anger, frustration, and overall stupidity out on the most innocent of beings; their own children?

I swear that if I could have one moment with some of these people I would come out with multiple charges and a smile on my face.

I could do an internet search and pull up hundreds of recent articles about both men and women who have murdered their own offspring. There is nothing that angers me more than to see that someone took the life of their own child because they “couldn’t handle the pressure”.

Just so you know: Raising a child is not easy! There are no manuals, guides, cliff notes, power point presentations, or books for dummy’s to guide you through parenthood. It’s a bit of trial and error. You will make mistakes. At some points you may even think that you have failed as a parent. It’s normal!

What isn’t normal is contemplating how to get rid of your child because you haven’t finished living, clubbing, and enjoying your own life. What is not normal is suffocating, beating, and abusing your child because you can’t take the constant whining and day to day irritations.

Here’s a thought: You have options!

Option one: If you can’t handle mother or fatherhood, don’t have children. Simple, I know! There are several different methods available to avoid getting pregnant that both males and females can use. Don’t leave it up to someone else to determine if you spend the next 9 months of your life regretting one night of poor decisions.

Option two: I know a lot of you will disagree but it is an option. Abortion! Yeah, I know, it’s not a pretty word but it beats having a child, allowing it to breathe outside of the womb only to snatch it’s life away months or years later. Not condoning or advocating abortion, just saying it IS an option.

Option three: Give the child up for adoption. If you can’t afford to take care of yourself it’s likely you can’t afford to take care of a child. Give the child an opportunity for a life better than what you can offer. Most states offer open and closed adoptions.

And lastly, for those who avoided options 1-3 and are contemplating taking the life of an innocent child, I would say whatever you plan on doing to them, do to yourself instead but that wouldn’t be politically correct………so instead, I’ll say get help! Drop your child off to a relative, get some perspective, come back with a clear head and heart, then figure out how both you and your child can continue to live a long and healthy life.

Oh yeah, adoption's still an option no matter what age the child…..Just saying!

Beat the guilt and the charge by finding a healthy alternative to dealing with your anger. Our youth, have enough obstacles to deal with. Fearing the wrath of a parent shouldn’t be one of them!

Resources:

The Rewards of Service

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because some day in life you will have been all these."
~ George Washington Carver


The Rewards of Service

I don’t think I ever knew what giving time, a smile, and a kind word could do until this past Saturday!

Myself and members from my writing group, The Mahogany Experience, volunteered with Brown Bag Ministries to feed the homeless in the downtown Raleigh area.
We meet at St.Andrews Catholic Church at 9 am. I must admit that I was surprised to see the number of people who showed up to volunteer for this cause. The organizers gave a brief overview of how the organization started and off to work we went. We unloaded the supplies off of the truck while others setup the tables. Once that was done people split off into different directions. Some were making sandwiches while others were starting to fill the brown paper bags with snacks.

There were children of all ages and each stayed busy with an appointed task. It was not just an opportunity to help out our community but one to meet other liked minded and kind hearted people. While in groups doing assorted task we conversed about this or that. Found a rhythm and by the time we looked back up, all 650 lunches were packed and ready for delivery.

We traveled to our destination and the first thing I noticed were the number of people sitting around the park listening intensely to a preacher deliver the word. A few gave their own testimony and it was amazing to hear the joy, faith, and fortitude that resided in their hearts.

Throughout our time in the park we passed out bags, talked to them, and even shared a few laughs. I remember a little girl in particular who was getting several lunches for herself and her family. She walked up, handed us her tickets and awaited her bags but lacked even the faintest hint of a smile. I don’t know her circumstance or her story but I knew or at least I hoped there was a smile inside of her just waiting to come out. I asked for a smile and she gave me the most beautiful frown turned upside down. I will forever remember that one moment.
You see what I expected was to give a gift, I didn’t expect to get one in return. I was saying to myself, I am blessed and it’s time to give back to my community in any small way I can. I didn’t know that they would be giving me something. They gave me the gift of knowing the despite our circumstance or lack of possessions, you can still find joy in the mist of it all!

I am making a commitment to volunteer once a month from here on out. There are several organizations in our area in need of volunteers. Check them out and give a little time, a smile, and a kind word!

To learn more about brown bag ministries vist: www.brownbagministry.org

Journey

Journey

Lost in a whirlwind of emotion
Blinded by random thoughts
Looking, searching , needing an outlet
Eyes weary from days of insomnia
No rest for the somnolent
Nearing a psychotic break
Insatiable need to express what lies within
Screaming with no voice
Unable to find order
Misplaced aggression
Longing for purpose
Scattered pages laying about
Blue, black, red, green, pink tools for my addiction
Loose leaf, spiraled, woven avenues to cure my affliction
Out of my haze a voice whispered…….
cry poet and black ink feel from my eyes.
breathe poet and words floated from my lungs.
live poet and I gave birth to a…….
Maya Angelou, “Still I rise”, kinda
Nikki Giovanni, “Balances “, type of
Langston Hughes, “Mother to Son”, sort of
Masterfully rhythmic, thought provoking, metaphorically driven
Escape from all that had me bound…….
New life emerged
My voice now found
And so it was written!

Daddy's Home

Daddy’s Home No, this has nothing to do with the Usher song. Sorry to disappoint!

You see, as a child, those words never came out of my mouth. I was raised in a single parent home. The truth is, I shouldn’t even be here. My father was married and my mother was only trying to make the man who had her heart jealous on the night that I was conceived. Like I said.....I shouldn't even be here. But I sure as hell am glad that I am.

Don't get me wrong, I am glad that my father wasn't a part of my life. To know him now is to know that I didn't miss out on much. You see the relationship we didn't build while I was young has turned into a relationship I am still not comfortable trying to build. He tries from time to time but it always reverts back to the same pattern of lies and deceit. Had we of been able to be father and daughter when I was young, maybe the outcome of this nonexistent relationship would have been different.

The first time I ever meet this man was when I was about 8 years old. No, he didn't show up unexpectedly at my door. I overheard a conversation between my mother and a cousin of ours that he had been involved in an accident. This made me want to see him. Despite my mother's reservations, she took me.

There are two things I remember about that first encounter, I meet my siblings and my mom left in tears! After that my father would come to our home usually a few months before Christmas every few years and promise me this or that. Two to three months after Christmas, I would still be holding out hope that he would come knocking at our door. He never showed!

I won't say that he's a bad father because he did right by my siblings whom are a product of his wife. He just wasn't a father to me. I understand it! I was the mistake that occurred after a one night stand some 30 years ago.

This isn't my attempt at male bashing, this is my cleansing!

Word of advice: If you have a father in you life, cherish him! If you don't, don't use his absence as an excuse for why you didn't accomplish the things you should have. If you are a mother trying to protect your child from the man who disappointed you, allow your child to see who he is on their own. That one I know is hard but you can't protect them from everything. It may turn out that he is a much better father than he was a lover.

There are too many single parent homes and too many children crying at night because daddy's NOT home. I applaud the women that raise sons and daughters alone. I applaud the men that do the same.

All I'm saying is no child should have to grow up watching families play in the park and long for those same interactions. No child should have to feel less than because their family doesn't look like the one up the street. No child should have to feel abandoned by the people who were supposed to love them!

Do what you want with you body and your reproductive organs but consider the consequences when your encounter produces life unexpectedly.

Ladies: If you aren't ready for motherhood, chances are, it isn't ready for you! Protect yourself!

Fellas: If you are creeping, the best way to keep it a secret is to use every precaution so your night of passion doesn't turn into a lifetime of responsibility.

Oh, by the way, no contraceptive is 100%!

Just saying..............................

********************************************************************************************************************************

If you are in the NC area and are an aspiring author, poet, spoken word artist; etc join my writing group: www.meetup.com/the-mahogany-experience-writing-group

Independent Women

I scream independence from the top of my lungs. I am woman hear me roar as I beat on my chest. I love being in control of my own life and accomplishing all my goals on my own terms.
Question:
Are we women sometime independent to a default?
Have we become so independent that we no longer know how to let a man take the lead?
Just curious!
I've noticed that as we obtain degree's, purchase homes, and climb the corporate ladder, alot of us are doing it as single women. Nothing wrong with doing it on your own but is that by choice or because we have alienated past boyfriends, ex husbands, and potentials with our "I don't need you attitude".
I was raised in a single parent home by a very independent, strong willed, and sometimes strict mother! I was taught to be very independent and stand on my own two feet. I understood at a young age while watching my mother work two and three jobs that if I wanted something done, I needed to do it myself.
I think that when she was teaching me how not to depend on others she forgot to teach me that when someone comes along who is worthy of relinquishing a piece of your heart and power too, you gotta be willing to give a little. I think that holds true for a lot of women. We didn't get the memo that if a man is gonna pay the bills, it's still ok to have a home cooked meal waiting when he gets home. Someone forgot to say that if you have to setup as the breadwinner for a period of time in this recession, when he gets back on his feet, you gotta let him take back over.
A man has to feel like a man! You can't remind him every few days that you make more money than him. You can't tell him about all the things he does wrong without telling him about all the things he does right.
All I'm saying is, we women (myself included) have to stand tall to get to where we want to be but we still have to be willing to stand beside the good men that are trying to be..........good men!!!!