After having a conversation with a recently married friend, a not so happily married relative, and a recently single acquaintance, I decided to address that pesky ultimatum. Yeah, that one! The “marry me or else” ultimatum!!!!!
Now, I’m a big girl so I can admit that I may have hinted, subtly, and not so subtly stated my desire to be married in previous relationships but I don’t think I’ve ever taken it as far as to give “The Ultimate Ultimatum”. Yet, I know a few people that have and maybe it’s just me but it seems this one never ends well.
Fellas, you know what I’m talking about all too well don’t you? It’s that dreaded conversation that is had after your girl has thrown hint after hint at you about her want/need to get married. She’s attending the weddings of several friends and been the consummate bridesmaid which leaves her daydreaming about her walk down that aisle with you……the brother who isn’t ready for that commitment.
So you do the normal shuck and jive by telling her you love her ….she’s the one…. But you just aren’t ready for marriage yet. That’s followed by the litany of questions and accusations like:
Why?
You don’t wanna spend the rest of your life with me?
Is there somebody else?
What are you afraid of?
How much longer do you expect me to wait?
Oh, there are a host of other questions that could go along with this ultimatum but we’ll just stick to the short list.
Now, considering she has invested so much time and emotion into this relationship, chances are even if she tells you the consequences of not marring her, she will continue to wait in hopes that you will soon come around. Meanwhile, you know you are on borrowed time and you either want to be with this girl or you don’t.
Now, if you could care less about making her your wife then the outcome won’t matter much to you but if you are really feeling this woman and can’t imagine your life without her, you’ve got decisions to make. I suggest quickly because here’s what begins to happen when a woman senses no movement on your part.
Option 1:
She will settle into the lifetime girlfriend role but become bitter that you didn’t wife her.
Option 2:
She will nag you until one of the two of you can no longer take it and the relationship fails.
Option 3:
She will not say anything else to you about marriage. She will silently wait, build up her bank account, and leave you a Dear John letter that explains why she’s taken her stuff which leaves the home you once shared completely empty and moved on with her life.
Now, I won’t sit here and say that giving in and getting married when you aren’t ready just to keep the one you love will end in marital bliss because chances are, if he really isn’t ready, your marriage will likely end in disaster.
But, if you really love this woman and have every intention of spending the rest of your life with her, the waiting until you are emotionally and financially ready game could backfire on you. You may look up one day to find that she has literally or figuratively checked out of the relationship.
Choose wisely!
Question:
Ladies: Why is marriage so important to us when a relationship is fine just the way it is?
Fellas: What are the fears that keep you from making the ultimate commitment when you have already made up your mind that she’s the one?
