I frequent several blogs, urban sites, and discussion forums and one discussion that I constantly run into is men talking about how they will not date a woman with children. Even if he has kids of his own! What?!? Seriously!
This always gets me a bit heated because the automatic assumption is that a single black woman with kids is looking for a dude with an "S" on his chest that reads Superman/Stepdaddy rolled all into one.
Now, I wouldn't dare try to persuade anyone to change thier requirements when it comes to what they look for in a mate but I would like to offer a little food for thought.....
Not every single woman is holding a flashlight looking in the darkest corners for a father for her children. Despite what the media may portray, there are some healthy parental relationships where the parents may no longer be together but are both very active in their children's lives. Hence, you can skip the replacement dad part of the application.
Even if the father is absent, most black women have accepted the fact that they are raising their children on their own and are only looking for a little affection from the opposite sex. Not every woman is scoping your bank account and grooming you for father of the year. Women have needs outside of what is required for their children.
Ofcourse, I recognize that there are some women out here who are on a mad dash to find the "ultimate saviour" who will pay her bills, rub her feet, and fill the void of a father to her children but understand that isn't always the case. Our options are limited as is so if you start counting every sister out because she has children, it may be you who comes up with a bumb deal.
Alpha says:
ReplyDeleteShame too, because you could really be missin' out on the woman of your dreams. I think you're absolutely right about the perception painted by society; this is why the cynicism that exist between men & women remain as strong & detrimentally active in our relationships today!
great post!
I agree that you should not rule someone out because they have children because you a making a character judgement based off of limited information. However, I will say that dating someone with children could potentially bring on a different set of issues whether it be for men or women. I would not turn down a woman just because she has kids, but an issue could arise from her not wanting to have anymore kids. On the flip side, I have heard some women say that would not date a man with kids because they don't want to share the attention.
ReplyDeleteI think it comes down to communicating and allowing a person to show you their total package before determining if they are right for you or not. Trust me, I woman that is only out for money will reveal herself soon in a conversation...children or no children. Great topic.