Cocked and Loaded for 2011

Over the last few days as I browsed several social networking sites as well as in general conversation, all I kept hearing was how people were so ready for 2010 to end because it was filled with heartache and pain. People were so looking forward to the start of a new year and all the hope it would bring.

Now being who I am, I started to wonder if these people realized that in 2011 there were still: 12 months, 365 days, 7 days a week and 24 hours in a day! I say that to say, what the hell is the difference between what you did or didn’t do last year and what you think will happen this year.
While I can sympathize with some of the things that might of happened to people throughout 2010, I hope they understand that 2011 won’t make them exempt from the same SHIT.

A new year doesn’t automatically mean a new attitude.
A new year doesn’t mean that whatever problems you faced today will not exist tomorrow.
A new year doesn’t mean that all the people you felt did you wrong in 2010 will apologize and kiss your behind for 2011.
A new year doesn’t mean that the 30 pounds you’ve been trying to lose for the past year will miraculously melt away at the stroke of midnight.

So much of life and the obstacles it tends to bring is about how we react to it.  I've learned that no matter how bad things may be, there are always lessons and blessings in each trail. I also know that although things may seem to come at us from all different directions, if we would just choose to be hopeful and optimistic about tomorrow, the battle doesn't last as long.

2010 was a good year for me, I’m just praying that 2011 and the years to come will be filled with more happy days than sad, more money saved than spent, and more love gained than lost.

So here’s my challenge: Stop looking forward to the end of a year to make changes for the new one. Every day that you are blessed to open your eyes is a new opportunity to make a change. Take the necessary steps each day to fulfill your dreams, live abundantly, and make a difference!

Not one to make New Year’s resolutions but I am one to set goals. I’ve already listed the things that I plan to accomplish in the coming year! Have you?

As for me, I'm cocked and loaded; determination and a will to secure a future for my son and myself are my ammunition.

Let’s Go~

Poetic Fridays: I'm Back

Ok, so time to resume the regularly scheduled program and get back to business.  This Friday I would like to share with you one of my favorite poems. 

Mother to Son by Langston Hughes


Well, son, I'll tell you:

Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

It's had tacks in it,

And splinters,

And boards torn up,

And places with no carpet on the floor

Bare.

But all the time

I'se been a-climbin' on,

And reachin' landin's,

And turnin' corners,

And sometimes goin' in the dark

Where there ain't been no light.

So, boy, don't you turn back.

Don't you set down on the steps.

'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.

Don't you fall now—

For I'se still goin', honey,

I'se still climbin',

And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

Question:
What does the poem say/mean to you? 

The Ultimate Ultimatum

The Ultimate Ultimatum




After having a conversation with a recently married friend, a not so happily married relative, and a recently single acquaintance, I decided to address that pesky ultimatum. Yeah, that one! The “marry me or else” ultimatum!!!!!

Now, I’m a big girl so I can admit that I may have hinted, subtly, and not so subtly stated my desire to be married in previous relationships but I don’t think I’ve ever taken it as far as to give “The Ultimate Ultimatum”. Yet, I know a few people that have and maybe it’s just me but it seems this one never ends well.

Fellas, you know what I’m talking about all too well don’t you? It’s that dreaded conversation that is had after your girl has thrown hint after hint at you about her want/need to get married. She’s attending the weddings of several friends and been the consummate bridesmaid which leaves her daydreaming about her walk down that aisle with you……the brother who isn’t ready for that commitment.

So you do the normal shuck and jive by telling her you love her ….she’s the one…. But you just aren’t ready for marriage yet. That’s followed by the litany of questions and accusations like:



Why?

You don’t wanna spend the rest of your life with me?

Is there somebody else?

What are you afraid of?

How much longer do you expect me to wait?



Oh, there are a host of other questions that could go along with this ultimatum but we’ll just stick to the short list.

Now, considering she has invested so much time and emotion into this relationship, chances are even if she tells you the consequences of not marring her, she will continue to wait in hopes that you will soon come around. Meanwhile, you know you are on borrowed time and you either want to be with this girl or you don’t.

Now, if you could care less about making her your wife then the outcome won’t matter much to you but if you are really feeling this woman and can’t imagine your life without her, you’ve got decisions to make. I suggest quickly because here’s what begins to happen when a woman senses no movement on your part.

Option 1:

She will settle into the lifetime girlfriend role but become bitter that you didn’t wife her.



Option 2:

She will nag you until one of the two of you can no longer take it and the relationship fails.



Option 3:

She will not say anything else to you about marriage. She will silently wait, build up her bank account, and leave you a Dear John letter that explains why she’s taken her stuff which leaves the home you once shared completely empty and moved on with her life.

Now, I won’t sit here and say that giving in and getting married when you aren’t ready just to keep the one you love will end in marital bliss because chances are, if he really isn’t ready, your marriage will likely end in disaster.

But, if you really love this woman and have every intention of spending the rest of your life with her, the waiting until you are emotionally and financially ready game could backfire on you. You may look up one day to find that she has literally or figuratively checked out of the relationship.

Choose wisely!

Question:

Ladies: Why is marriage so important to us when a relationship is fine just the way it is?



Fellas: What are the fears that keep you from making the ultimate commitment when you have already made up your mind that she’s the one?

Poetic Fridays

Seeing Red




Rage festers in my soul as flames dance in my eyes

My pulse quickens as my heart tries to escape my chest

My skin feels like molten lava and I swear my brain is about to erupt.



Fire and desire change to hate and disdain

I am blinded by the thought of what could have been

I need a bucket of ice to cool my temperament



Unable to function, I hide behind a mirrored reality

Clothed in self-consciousness it is hard for me to breathe

Forgetting the value of what used to be

Now just a hollowed shell

See what you do to me



All the blame on you I cannot place

I allowed myself and my wants to become commonplace

Playing the nurturer was second nature to me

Giving of myself unconditionally



Forgetting the rewards of reciprocity

Thinking that giving to you would somehow compensate me.

Yet I’m left empty, cold and alone.

Yearning for a place to call home.



Snap out of it my momma says, “Never let ‘em have your heart if he has yet to learn how to be a man”

By Brighter Future

Attention: No Stepfathers Needed

I frequent several blogs, urban sites, and discussion forums and one discussion that I constantly run into is men talking about how they will not date a woman with children.  Even if he has kids of his own!  What?!? Seriously!

This always gets me a bit heated because the automatic assumption is that a single black woman with kids is looking for a dude with an "S" on his chest that reads Superman/Stepdaddy rolled all into one. 

Now, I wouldn't dare try to persuade anyone to change thier requirements when it comes to what they look for in a mate but I would like to offer a little food for thought.....

Not every single woman is holding a flashlight looking in the darkest corners for a father for her children.  Despite what the media may portray, there are some healthy parental relationships where the parents may no longer be together but are both very active in their children's lives.  Hence, you can skip the replacement dad part of the application.

Even if the father is absent, most black women have accepted the fact that they are raising their children on their own and are only looking for a little affection from the opposite sex.  Not every woman is scoping your bank account and grooming you for father of the year.  Women have needs outside of what is required for their children. 

Ofcourse, I recognize that there are some women out here who are on a mad dash to find the "ultimate saviour" who will pay her bills, rub her feet, and fill the void of a father to her children but understand that isn't always the case.  Our options are limited as is so if you start counting every sister out because she has children, it may be you who comes up with a bumb deal.

Poetic Fridays

Untitled

He was oh so charming.


So much class.

Surprised when he looked my way.

Stunned when he asked.



Delighted when he called.

Went out for dinner and a movie.

Seemed simple enough.



Had so much fun, I asked him back to my place for a night cap.

Mistake number one.

Charm so amazing.



Wrapped up in his words.

Blind to his actions.



Metaphors that I thought were taking me to heavens door.

Whispers of forever.

A way with words like no other.

Damn, I’m getting caught up.



Looked into his eyes and saw my future.

Breathed with ease when he spoke those words to me.



Violated when he turned on me.

Ripped off the shield that guarded my heart.

Threw me to the floor with his brut strength.



Climbed on top of me.

My vision is cloudy.

Did he put something in my drink?



Lost in translation.

Not a moment to think..

Tears feel from my eyes and stained the floor.



Is he really doing this to me?

In a flash he was gone. Words spoken no more.



Reached for my phone to dial 911…….

Hello, What’s your emergency?

Damn…..Damn….

I was raped……

by poetry.


By: Brighter Future  (Had you scared for a moment didn't I? lol)

Good New's Monday: Father's Forever

Happy Monday!!
As I announced previously, on Monday's my blog will be dedicated to a Good New's Story.  The purpose of Good New's Mondays is to highlight a non profit organization or individual that is making a positive contribution to the community. 
We tend to always see ourselves painted in a negative light on mainstream media, well this is my attempt to highlight the positive!
The first featured organization is Father's Forever! See below to learn more about this organization.  I hope that this blog will inspire you to get involved!

What is Fathers Forever?


Fathers Forever is a non-profit organization that serves as a map to help fathers chart a new course of fatherhood. Our aim is to make a lasting impression and difference in the lives of fathers through classes and support groups.

Our Vision

Bridging the Gap between Fathers and Children...thus Saving Our Children, One Father At A Time.

Our Mission

Fathers Forever's purpose is to decrease the number of children being raised without the support of their fathers and decrease the number of non-child support cases in our court system.

When was the organization started and by whom?

Glen Warren, founder of Fathers Forever, has been involved in the empowerment of men for over 25 years as a facilitator of various conferences formed to encourage and empower men to discover the combination to unlocking their future. For the past 16 years, Glen has worked as a mental health crisis counselor for persons with depression, suicidal thoughts and substance abuse issues.

Glen has a Bachelor of Science degree in Health and Physical Education. Currently, he is pursuing a Master's degree in Adult Education. Glen is also pursuing certification as a substance abuse counselor. As a single parent, Glen raised two boys and a girl. He founded Fathers Forever because he knows first-hand the importance of the role of a father in the lives of their children.Glen’s desire and pledge for Fathers Forever is to give experience, commitment and resources to provide a positive alternative that will motivate, educate and equip fathers to become co-parents in their children's lives, resulting in a more productive, healthier society.

As president of Fathers Forever, he is committed to enabling men to be co-parents to their children. By making a donation to Fathers Forever, you will help us provide another solution to an ever increasing problem. Help us bridge the gap between fathers and their children… saving our children, one father at a time.

Some of the many accomplishments of Glen Warren and Father Forever are:

• February 2, 2010 featured in the News and Observer article written by Barry Saunders- “Giving Daddies that Push”

• February 15, 2010 received our 1st Fathers Forever Participant

• March 7, 2010 featured on a local television show titled First Choice Life on the CW22 network hosted by Tim Weir

• March 15, 2010 featured on St. Augustine talk radio WAUG 750 interview conducted by Joel Wiggins

• May 23, 2010 featured on Fox 50 television show Tarheel Talk hosted by Sonya Williams. Since February, we now have 150 participants….. and counting.

• June 17, 2010 featured in the News and Observer article written by Barry Saunders- “Donors Learn To Be Dads”

• June 19, 2010 successfully had Our Grand Opening/Fundraiser event that took place at ballroom donated by the Sheraton Hotel located in Raleigh North Carolina. We had over 125 people in attendance and raised $1,200!

• June 22, 2010 featured in the Triangle Tribune article written by Bonita Best “Bridging the Gap Between Fathers and their Children” http://www.triangletribune.com/index.php?src=permalinks/Bridging_the_gap_between_fathers_and_childre

Fathers Forever is a great name, what is the meaning behind it?

The name Fathers Forever actually came from the bible. We know God as our Everlasting Father, since we are made in His image. We too are fathers forever in the hearts and minds of our children. They will always remember us. The choice is up to each father as to how they are remembered.

What is the ultimate goal of this organization?

Our goal is to help fathers chart a new course of fatherhood. Fathers Forever will also help them to understand the importance of having an on-going active role in the lives of their children, in addition to fulfilling their financial responsibilities. Upon completion of the Fathers Forever program, it is our belief that the fathers will have a new found appreciation of their role as a father. We will develop cohesiveness in families, helping to create stronger communities and healthier societies.

Who are prime candidates for the Fathers Forever program?

Fathers Forever's first priority is fathers who are delinquent in their child support payments. The Judicial System can refer participants to us as a jail diversion and Child Support agencies can refer clients to us as a preventative measure. We will also take referrals from other community support agencies.


Tell us about the services you offer:

R.E.S.E.T. -- Fathers Forever serves as a map to help fathers chart a new course of fatherhood.
R estoring the hearts of fathers back to their children

E quipping fathers through classes and support groups

S ynergizing -- promoting community support

E mbracing the joys and responsibility of fatherhood

T ime -- fathers encouraged to spend quality time with their children.


The Fathers Forever program consists of two components. Each component will be facilitated by a F.O.C.U.S. (For On-going Counseling United Support) coach:

• 30-Hour Course Curriculum: The Joys and Responsibilities of Fatherhood, consisting of classes such as Job Readiness Training, Parenting, Anger Management (Domestic Violence), Substance Abuse and Destiny Development.

• Support Group: Fathers who participate in the course curriculum will receive individual coaching throughout the length of our program. The coach will provide assistance in job placement, GED if needed and other personal goals. Fathers who do not take the course curriculum may also participate in the support group.

What is the biggest success story of Father’s Forever thusfar?

Several of our fathers have found jobs, decreased or started paying on their child support debt and improved on the quality of time spent with their children.

One example of a success story is:

One of our Fathers Forever participants was standing outside the courtroom waiting for me to come to court. (As a practice, we go to court with our participants for support and also to give an account of their progress of being in our program to the judge since they were court ordered.) Normally the participants would wait inside the courtroom; however, he was waiting on me to tie his necktie before he had to appear before the judge. The judge for the day, Honorable Judge Kristin Ruth observed him before court started and as she was walking into court he said, “Hey Judge Ruth, I will be in court as soon as Mr. Warren comes…. I need him to tie my necktie.” This incident touched Judge Kristin Ruth so much that she made mention of it at our Open House event where she was our keynote speaker. Currently, the participant has three part time jobs and has only missed two classes since he was court ordered. He’s working hard to be reunited with his 4 year old daughter. He still has a ways to go, but we are so proud of him!!

When you look back 10 years from now, what do you hope to have accomplished with this organization?

• We have helped in the efforts of restoring the hearts of the fathers back to their children and saving our children one father at a time.

• Have Fathers Forever presence in every county in North Carolina.

• Own several car wash establishments so that we can employ our participants that are seeking work or unemployed.

We believe in fathers and we are committed to the process of tearing down the barriers that are preventing them from being the father they want to be.

What else do you want us to know about Father’s Forever?

We are in need of funding, grant writers, office space, office equipment and community involvement; such as company giving gifts, discounts and coupon that we can pass on to our fathers and their children.

Are there any upcoming events or fundraisers we should be aware of?

Upcoming Events-

• Thursday September 16, 2010 @ 6 AM Fathers Forever will be featured on the ION Network, “For the Record” hosted by Eric Brown.

• October 31, 2010 UNCTV
To contact us

Individuals can ALWAYS:

• Visit our website www.afatherforever.com to find out more information and to join our email mailing list.

• Become fans of Fathers Forever on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/Raleigh-NC/Fathers-Forever/235821653121
• Join us on Twitter http://twitter.com/FathersForever

• Join our Blogs on Blogger http://afathersforever.blogspot.com/

• Check us out and SHARE our Youtube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_F7OrN1lK4

How can people donate or volunteer?

To Donate

When you donate to our work, together we are saving our children, one father at a time. When dad is not involved, his children are two to three times more likely to engage in drugs, alcohol, school drop out, violent crimes, teenage pregnancy, and struggle with depression, suicidal thoughts and even suicide.
Fathers Forever is a non-profit organization whose mission is to help fathers chart a new course of fatherhood.
It has been said that "When we know better, we do better." Help us help fathers chart a new course of fatherhood -- thus, Saving Our Children, One Father At A Time. Every child deserves a chance at reaching their fullest potential in life. Children are our future, our most precious commodity and they are worth the investment. GET INVOLVED! http://www.afatherforever.com/donateonline.html


To Volunteer

Fathers Forever volunteers are second to none we are truly grateful and appreciative to our super volunteers. GET INVOLVED!! http://www.afatherforever.com/volunteers.html

We are in need of:

• Event volunteer willing and able to fulfill the needs of Fathers Forever.

• Men to be FOCUS Coaches to mentor/work with our fathers on a individual basis to help them stay focused, encourage and assist them in breaking down the barriers that keep them being good fathers.


**********************************************************************************
First and foremost, thank you to Father's Forever for participating in my first Good New's blog. 
I hope that in reading this blog, you are inspired to give either monetarily or a bit of your time to helping strengthen our communities "One Father At a Time".

Having grown up without a father in the home I understand all to well the importance of an organization such as this. 

To learn more about this organization please visit: http://www.afatherforever.com/

If you know of an organization or an individual who deserves to be recognized please email me at mahoganyexp@yahoo.com.